Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Paronomasia




The humble pun (or paronomasia for sophisticated snobs) has been present as long as the written word itself. They have been found amongst the Egyptians, the Mayans, even in Ancient Iraq. Puns are hilarious and awesome, like alligators, they have used their awesome-osity to withstand the ravages of time.

There are six types of pun: Compound puns, graphological puns, homographic puns, homonymic puns, morphological puns and recursive puns. Of course you will never come upon any circumstance in life where you will need to know the specifics of each definition so I won't bother to explain them. Just remember that there are six.

Of all these six, my favourite would have to be the morphological pun, also known as a 'portmanteau'(pronounced: Port-Man-Toe), because of how applicable it is to 90% of real life situations. You see, a morphological pun is simply combining- or morphing- two words together to make one more suitable and therefore better word.

Examples include combining 'true' and 'touché' to make the 'truché', or 'angry' and 'hungry' to become 'hungry'. The morphological pun is limited only be your imagination and the combinability of the words in your vocabulary.

What are examples of common portmanteau's in your literary arsenal?

Friday, May 25, 2012

Lessons Learned From Old Phone Photos

Do you ever get bored, grab your phone, go to its photo gallery and flick back through old pictures? If you do, you are not alone. If you don't, perhaps you should try it- there are many great lessons to learn from photographic evidence you have taken yourself- and best of all, since you are the one who did it, the age old excuse of "yeah, they can do it, but that doesn't mean I can" doesn't apply.

In todays blog I'm going to provide three examples of lessons learned from my own nostalgia.

Lesson #1: Save Your Coins
If you are somewhat well off and living in a country with a reasonable economy, coins are often seen as an inconvenience. Charities take great advantage of this by placing 'coin tins' at almost every cash register in the world. That's because they know what everyone knows but lacks the patience to realise.

Coins add up.

One of the best investments anyone short of cash can make is a $3 money tin. One that is solid and can only be opened once. I used to hate these tins as a kid- I would buy them, spend a day looking for coins in couches, laundry and the car ash-tray, and then deposit them into my brand new tin. The next day I would need a dollar for chocolate and bam- a three dollar investment is wasted for 1/3rd of its value.

But last year I bought a large one, I put it somewhere out of sight and was diligent in depositing my small change whenever I felt my wallet getting unnaturally lumpy and heavy (a rare occurrence, mind you). Twelve months later, I opened the sucker up, expecting a modest $400-$500. As you can see in the photo, I was pleasantly surprised with that actual result.





The moral of the story? Save your coins.

Lesson #2: Don't Spend Money on Costumes
I love dressing up. Not in a weird way, but whenever there are themed costume parties, no matter what the theme, I will always make an effort to look awesome. Why? Because awesome costumes always make for a hilariously fun time and great photos to look back on.

Unfortunately, even cheap dress ups cost money. I went as a giant ghoul monster to a Halloween party and shopped exclusively at the cheap-budget stores, it still cost me the same amount it probably would have to rent a costume. I went as a black haired emo-kid to an emo themed party but I still had to pay for hair dye and fake jewellery.

But it doesn't have to be that way, after my brother-in-laws surprise 'Spongebob' Party, I realised that costumes are all around us. Old rags, empty bottles, unused boxes can all be utilised in awesome and often hilarious ways.





So next time you have an excuse to dress up for something, remember: Every move you make, every step you take, awesome costumes will be watching you.

Lesson #3: You can have an endless amount of fun with a piece of paper, a lead pencil and your lunch. 

I do this whenever I get bored (mainly when I'm studying). It's a great way to exercise creativity and entertain yourself, even when nobody else finds it funny except for you.





I mean, who needs an iPhone with that type of improv? Talking nuts! Hilarious!

Love it.


But the biggest lesson of all is that we all have silly, creative and the occasionally remarkable ideas hidden away in our own lives. They might be in your phone gallery, on a sheet of paper in the back of an old school book or just hiding in plain sight.

Go and find them!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The Spark

Not long ago, a friend of mine was concerned about the romantic potential of his future. Everything seemed fantastic with his lady friend but danger loomed on the horizon, like a towering cumulonimbus filled with erratic, high voltage lightning.

The cause of this metaphorical mayhem?

The ever ominous "spark".

What exactly is the spark? A feeling? A crystallising moment of clarity?

Technically, a spark is an electrostatic discharge. Electricity building up somewhere and jumping to something that is grounded. Often dangerous, sometimes fatal, sparks are not always something you want as a part of your relationship.




Of course that is a physical spark, the spark to which I refer is of a more metaphorical nature. Metaphorical because it doesn't exist. It is a Hollywood invention. An idea created to justify terminating a good relationship for no apparent reason, or for continuing a terrible relationship despite the pile of evidence stacked against it.

So here is my advice when it comes to "The Spark":

There is no spark. If you find someone that makes you happy and makes you want to be better, and you do the same for them, then do whatever you can to keep them in your life.

Spark shmark.


Monday, May 21, 2012

TREP: Eating Healthy


FYI: TREP stands for "That Random Educational Post", for the odd occasion when I'm in the mood to drop some phat knowledge on y'all.

So recently I've been on a bit of a rampage as far as health and nutrition goes. I kept a food diary for a few weeks and was startled to find how much rubbish I was consuming for no reason except for the fact that the food and I were occupying the same room. There's probably a lot everyone in the world could learn from a food diary. If your overweight you might eat less simply so you didn't have to write so much (if your food diary is making your wrist hurt the same way a high school essay would then you are eating too much), anorexic people would learn that they cannot enjoy the glory of keeping a food diary with an empty book... The benefits are simply limitless.

However, I am not here to encourage you to keep a food diary, for you are busy. Busy busy busy and you don't have enough time to read this blog AND keep a food diary. In fact, if that is true, I would encourage the opposite for obviously selfish reasons.

What I am writing this blog about is something simple. Painfully simple. So simple that it is often overlooked (much like we overlook the fact that the 'ABC' song is sung to the same melody as "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star"), and like all good and simple ideas, I will start with a quote:

"The food you eat can be either the safest and most powerful form of medicine, or the slowest form of poison"

Which is more or less dead right. I cannot help but laugh to myself at fuel stations when I see people putting expensive, clean burning, high octane fuel into their cars to preserve its engine while chowing down on a Big Mac (or something similar). The food you eat is the fuel your body runs on.

That's my marvellously simple statement, which I am going to type again. In fact, as it is the entire topic of this blog I'm even going to make it bold.

And underlined.

With a cool slant....

The food you eat is the fuel your body runs on.







Think about it, if the simple brilliance of it doesn't hit you, think a little harder.

Imagine someone bought you a shiny brand new super fast megamercedes 500000 (and that kind of car exists) and then asked you if you would fill the tank with fries. Would you? Of course not! That's crazy.

Well let me tell you, you ARE a super fast megamercedes 500000. Your body is crazy! It does such cool stuff, cut your finger on a sharp edge, cover it with a bandaid and a few days later the cut is gone! 

I bet you wish your car could do that, I sure do, car part costs are killing me.

So next time you eat something, remember, your putting fuel into the most advanced piece of machinery you will ever own.

Yourself!