Don't Be Creepy

Due to the fact that I am amazing (slightly exaggerated) and married to a beautiful woman (entirely true) I am constantly (another slight exaggeration) being asked about the secrets to building an awesome relationship.

Now, as we all know, relationships are somewhat like snowflakes in the way that no two are a like, therefore, I wont dabble in specifics but more in general common sense, which contrary to its name seems to be quite rare in an age where information in all shapes and forms rests at our fingertips.

So here we are, my top five tips on how not to be creepy when chasing that special someone:

Be The Right Age
Age is huge when it comes to creepiness. Nobody wants to see couples using their lips to bridge generation gaps- that’s just nasty! Sure, there are exceptions (many of which are highly paid exceptions known as ‘celebrities’) but for the most part, you should obey the golden rule. [(Age/2)+7]. If you don’t, you’re putting yourself at risk of putting people in the uncomfortable position of not being sure if you’re her boyfriend or creepy uncle.

Open with Direct Conversation
There is a direct correlation between how often you talk to someone and how attractive they find you. Think of it like beer goggles- if you are unfortunate enough to be granted with any measure of attractiveness whatsoever, a few good conversations can easily bring your mug up to the national average. This relationship between beauty and communication, however, only extends to REAL conversation. That excludes text messaging, Facebook chat, emails and epistles carried by messengers- those are all great ways to communicate once you’ve built a relationship on REAL face to face, but using them as your sole form of contact will quickly put you in the creepy bin.

Eyes On The Prize
Nobody likes walking around with a head on a swivel the same way nobody wants to cook for a fussy eater. It’s demeaning and embarrassing. Plus, if you’re checking out everything with a pulse that passes when you’re with your special someone, you’ll quickly find they might do the same- and replace you, because lets face it, that’s creepy.

Be Realistic
Face it. At first, nobody wants to spend all their time with you. You may be mighty, bold, beautiful and resplendent, but people need time to recharge their “social batteries” and chances are you might not be as resplendent as you might think. Give the other person some time to miss you and catch up on their lives outside of you. There’s nothing creepier than a human magnet.

And While You’re At It…
If you’re spending a realistic amount of time with a special someone, don’t go backwards on the creepy scale by bombarding them with text message while you’re a part. That’s not to say you need to sever lines of communication completely but there’s a big difference between a few genuinely friendly texts throughout the day and trying to match the word count of the entire works of T.S Elliot in a single twenty-four hour gap. One of those is creepy and one of those isn’t. I’ll let you pick which is which.

And if you are ever unsure about your course of action and how it might come off, you can always ask yourself this simple question: "Would a creep do this?", and if they would- then pick another course of action. I couldn't put it any simpler than that.